The day I rang a hater

I wasn’t sure how to title this post because after my phone call I realized the person wasn’t a hater, just a passionate sugar free foodie.

It was before Easter and Esther’s kindy was putting on a morning tea to celebrate Easter. The kindy has a strict lunchbox policy. No packet food or baking or biscuits or lollies and chocolate. The sugar treats were a given. I expected that. But the no packet food like a packet of healtheries chips or even crackers were a no no and even my baking had to be fruit only and that surprised me. But we work with it.

Anyway, the Easter morning tea could include those ‘sometimes’ foods. So I went and baked some gluten free cupcakes from a packet mix because I thought it would be safe that everything in that packet would be gluten free to ensure one of Esther’s friends could have a treat at the morning tea. I don’t like to see kids miss out because of their food intolerances.

I took a picture of the bunny paw print cupcakes I’d put together – although one kid said they looked like ‘dog paw prints actually’, and uploaded the pic to Instagram.

And I got hammered by a follower about whether they were sugar free and ‘eww you used a packet mix’ and insinuated that I was killing the kids for providing them with sugar loaded chocolate cupcakes.

I was kind of shocked by the attack. I didn’t know this person and something I had done as fun and to be a blessing to the kids was trodden on with negativity.

I thought about the comment and left it there. And then I did something really crazy and clicked through to see the owner of the Instagram account and saw that it wasn’t a troll but in fact another blogger based in Brisbane.

Her blog site was attached to her Instagram profile so I clicked through and her mobile number was on the page and I thought, I might just call you to find out where that comment came from.

So I rang her.

And the response was less than welcoming. I had called at a bad time and was told to ring at another time.

So I did.

But I got her message bank and left a message asking to call back to discuss the need for the comment.

I didn’t expect a phone call, but I was called and I was told to get over it, it’s social media and she didn’t care what people thought of her comment.

The point of my call was to let her know I didn’t appreciate it. I wasn’t sure if there would be an apology but there was none of that.

Unfortunately this blogger was so blinded by the cause she couldn’t see that the comment left on my photo reflected on her as a person and as a business owner and blogger.

Disagreeing with each other is part of life. I’m not always right and I don’t expect people to have the same opinions as me but I don’t go out and attack someone if I don’t agree with what they’ve done.

I wished it stopped there but more comments were made on the photo and I had to nip it in the bud and resolve the conversation positively. I’m not one to leave a situation with a negative response so I tried to wrap up the conversation by blessing her with a sugar free Easter and reminding her (and everyone else following our heated conversation on Instagram) that the real reason we celebrate Easter is because of what Jesus did on the cross and it’s certainly not about the sugar. And then I may have been convicted of stirring an ants nest when by grace I should have known better.

There were a few lessons I took away from the day I rang a hater debacle:

  1. If you leave a negative comment, you can be found and it can give a bad reflection on not only you as a person but your business.
  2. Don’t be blinded by your own campaign. If you want to teach awareness about a lifestyle that can help others, live it and show people how to do it, rather than attack people when they do something that doesn’t align with your standards.
  3. There is always a story behind a picture.
  4. Always extend grace. Be the better person if under attack. There’s no point losing emotional energy over someone who doesn’t agree with you. Reply with positivity.

My call to action may not have been very Christian. It was probably a bit ballsy and I was told that what I had done was bordering harassment. Fair call. I didn’t mean to harass, but it was so easy to click through to find a number and I like to talk about things rather than have a tennis match of hate comments.

How do you react when someone attacks you or something you’ve shown on Facebook? Ever had to make a difficult phone call? Is there anything that can be done to prevent negativity online?

I’m linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT.

 

  • I think you were so brave to phone. I think we all have to be accountable for what we say and online, just as we do in real life. I think you totally nailed it. The negative comments say more about her than it does about you and it says less about sugar than it does about her business and the way she chooses to conduct it. As for negativity online, I guess it comes down to the old adage, treat others as you would want to be treated. PS I bet the kids really loved those cupcakes, didn’t they?!

    • Yes the cupcakes went pretty fast and I even cut them in quarters!! And I agree that we should conduct our online activity like we do in person and treat everyone with respect no matter if they do so etching different to us.

  • Fleur @ Our Urban Box

    Well done Bec! No one should have to deal with nasty comments. This other blogger should know that there are consequences to such things. I’m so proud of you for calling and sticking to your guns. I would not have been so brave xx

    • I’m not sure if it was brave. I’m never sure what the right approach is with online negativity. That day I seemed to think calling her was the best way to nip it in the bud.

  • The negativity that goes unguarded on social media needs to stop. I teach some high school students English and this conversation is one we have on a regular basis. One so they know how to deal with the negatvity when it comes to them and two so that I feel in a litle way that I am helping this vicious cycle stop – even if it is just a few teenagers at a time. I often ask them if we were to take the unravelling negative social media conversation and have it face to face instead, and more so, have our parents standing behind us as we have that conversation would it play out the same way? Often I suspect it wouldn’t. I respect that we can have differring opinions, it is a good thing, healthy even. But shaming people, being nasty and not taking repsonsibility that our words and our actions may be hurtful to others – well I don’t think that is ok.

    • That’s a great way to teach about it – having our parents behind us watching what we say/ do. I’m not saying what I did was right, I just don’t get the arrogance of being one way minded and the lack of accountability when it’s coma to being negative online

  • LydiaCLee

    Good for you! I’m sort of surprised that another blogger would do that, as we all know what it’s like…

    • I was surprised by this too. Isn’t it blogger code to be supportive to each other?

  • I actually LOVE this. I am not one to enter conflict situations. I am the one to diffuse situations and walk away from negativity. BUT social media has got to the point that people feel they can attack without having to be accountable. You simply made her accountable. You asked her to own her comments in real life. I love that you did this.
    Go you!
    Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
    PS Now I want to find your instagram account and check it out for myself 🙂

    • Thanks Leanne. I believe it’s important to stand by what we say or write online. I think I’ve had a few accounts follow me this week to sticky beak. 🙂

  • Some people just can’t help themselves when it comes to being nasty. This type of behaviour coming from another blogger is quite appalling! Good on you for your bravery in confronting this person to try and find its cause.

    • I was surprised it came from another blogger too. I couldn’t be nasty to someone else if I didn’t agree with them. It’s an unwritten blogging rule.

  • Cate Brickell

    Good on you for making a phone call instead of getting into a slanging match, but how awful that the blogger was revolting about it.

    • Yeah the reaction wasn’t one that I was expecting… Although I wasn’t sure what to expect when I rang.

  • I think you handled this situation (both on instagram and over the phone) perfectly. This woman didn’t do any favours for her cause in the way she approached the situation.

  • You know what? I think you reacted in a really mature way taking it off social media and making it private in an attempt to diffues the completely unwarranted criticism. I’m sorry this person reacted so horribly- but it says way more about them than it does about you.

    • Well sadly after I called her it continued online but with someone else so I had to write another comment to nip it in the bud. It ended amicably in the end.

  • Years ago on my Facebook page I posted a Valentine’s day pic of pancakes I had coloured pinky red and done in a heart shape for my then littler girls. Could not believe I was called out for the colouring and poisoning my kids and feeding them crap etc. it hurt me a lot back then. The sad thing is this kind of commenting has gotten worse over the years and it makes me sick. Love your point about not being blinded by your campaign. I am so over people trying to force their agenda on everyone including those who have not asked for their input. No need to throw their judgement in the ring where they were not invited. End rant lol. Xxx

    • What an awful thing to go through Deb! I do agree the commenting is getting worse and the diets are getting more extreme. When negative comments are left it doesn’t do any favours for the cause they are trying to promote.

  • Lisa Berriman

    I don’t think just because we are Christians that we have to just roll over and take things. Sometimes it is worth the call to try to sort things out. I think you did the right thing. People need to be made aware that they are being inappropriate. I think you did it in a loving way (that doesn’t mean you had to feel loving thoughts towards her). As for harassment, I think she was the one at fault here. Thanks for sharing this one. Hopefully this will help other people to think twice before they comment.

    • Thanks Lisa. I hope this post does help other people see that negative comments can have consequences.

  • THIS IS HORRIBLE!!! I am a passionate supporter of no sugar, among other dietary decisions, however I see no need to judge or pass comment on the choices of others. What suits one, doesn’t suit others. I am so sorry this happened to you my friend, I think you are doing an amazing job as a mother, and what a thoughtful one you are too. Those children with dietary issues were able to share in the pleasure of the day, all because you thought. Please, please don’t let this nasty woman get you down, she wont be long in the business. Nasty people never last.

    • Now you have me interested in the no sugar movement because I think you’re fab. Being nasty never helps a cause and it put me off looking into the no sugar movement.

  • Haidee

    Wow, good for you! I wish I had your balls! I don’t know how you get by with those stringent kindy rules, my 3 year old would literally eat nothing if I had to follow those rules. Hehe. Kids.

    • It’s hard Haidee! But Esther proves me wrong with what she eats. I just put in what I know she will eat like yoghurt, cheese and fruit and a sandwich and more yoghurt for lunch. She definitely gets her dairy intake everyday!

  • Bec, I think you handled this situation really well. I’m not one to have arguments/conflict online via email or text. If I need to have a difficult conversation with someone, I always pick up the phone. It is scary as hell, but for me it works rather than continuing drama online. There is no excuse for trolling or nasty comments. This blogger may think twice now before she comments on people’s images/posts etc. I’m glad you gave her what for.

  • Simplify.Create

    Wow, that’s such a brave move. I hate phones for starters so I avoid them, but not sure I could have done what you did. Good on you. My reaction would probably have been anger, delete and maybe block lol haters gonna hate as Taylor Swift reminds us. I guess I would eventually ‘Shake it off’ haha I can’t believe I just quoted a pop song. My excuse… I just woke up 😉

  • Good on you! Some people think it doesn’t matter what they say because it is online. She is insane to think this isn’t a poor reflection on her. By all means in your own space speak of your choices but don’t jump into someone else’s with such negativity. I don’t understand people that think being nasty is a great look for them! Well done for calling her.

    • Thanks Karin. I’m not sure how you can not be concerned by leaving negativity online. There is no need for nastiness online. X

  • What a nasty situation to be faced with Bec! Well done for facing it so honestly. There really is no need for any of that kind of hate online or in person. This woman definitely needs to check her attitude & remember that once you hit post, those words never go away. So sorry you were exposed to that – it makes me mad when people judge each other so harshly & are so flippant about the impact is can have.

    • The comment did upset me then it angered me and once I spoke to her I realised the issue had nothing to do with me. It was about her. I will remember that for next time although I hope there is no next time. X

  • Ok, well I had to go and look this up and this woman was ATROCIOUS!!! I will NEVER understand why anyone thinks they can convince people by attacking and insulting and belittling. Militant dieters and anti-vaxxers all seem to be the same when it comes to pushing their views on people. They only know how to attack. And it NEVER makes them look good. It turns people off. I just don’t get it.

    I can’t believe you called Bec! Good on you. I think it’s a great idea. At the very least it lets people know they’re not as anonymous as they think – you are a person who can be found.

    P.S I went and checked out her profile and there are a number of things I could say to her (based on her photos) which she’d really hate. No one is perfect or immune from criticism. Don’t put it out there unless you’re willing to get it back.

    • Oh you are gorgeous! I have noticed a trend with extreme dieters and anti vaxers attacking others with negative comments. It doesn’t help their cause. I prefer to eat sugar and be sweet any day. X

  • Oh my GAWD.

  • Jo

    Balls of steel lady!! What are they teaching you in Plumbette training?!! Haha! I take my hat off to you following through with something you know wasn’t right. I’m sorry you got such an awful response but her actions only speak louder. Blog karma has surely taken notes on this and won’t forget. Keep on staying true to what you believe in, we all love you for i!

    • Baha! Maybe I grew them at Tafe trying to fit in with the blokes when doing my apprenticeship?! Thank you for your comment. It made me laugh! X

  • Lisa Heidke

    Really? Rebecca, I really NEED to check out your Instagram profile. This woman sounds truly vile. Good on you for calling her!

    • I thought the same thing Lisa. I couldn’t believe it when I saw the comment pop up on my photo. I think she’s a woman on a mission to eradicate sugar

  • Good on you for standing up to her, nobody has the right to degrade anyone. x

  • Always extend grace. That’s the key point, isn’t it? Good on you for respectfully calling her out on it, perhaps she will react more thoughtfully to other people in future.
    Dani @ sand has no home x

    • The world needs more grace! I need more grace. Bless her for trying to make a point that unfortunately got lost in negativity. X

  • Natalie @ Our Parallel Connect

    Wow Bec I’ve never experienced anything like this. Good on you for calling but I dont think I would have the guts… All over a little sweet sugar

    • When put like that, my call sounds a bit pig headed lol! It’s the first time I’ve ever experienced it.

  • I think it was ballsy to call her but like you saidd, she was easily found and if you list contact details you should expect to be contacted. I cannot believe people that attack others, each to their own beliefs and leave it at that. I hope the kids enjoyed their cakes!

    • The kids loved the cupcakes and they were all eaten and I had none to take home!

  • I think you did a brilliant thing to confront her. I hate this social media vigilante types that get all brave behind their keyboard and think they can hammer out insults. There’s nothing nice or helpful about posting those sort of comments. Her reaction to you might not have been positive, but I bet she’s feeling very, very sorry for a silly decision now….

    • Yeah… I hope she pondered afterwards the effect her comments had for her business sake.

  • TeganMC

    Wow, you were brave to call (but then again any phone call makes my heart race) and I think you did the right thing. You didn’t look her up in the white pages after doing hours of internet stalking, you called the number that is on display on her public blog. I also don’t think you did it out of any malicious intent or to hurt, unlike her comments.

    • You totally get me Tegan! Exactly! My phone call wasn’t to be mean back it was simply to say the comment wasn’t appreciated and to discuss the ramifications and for my personal interest to find out what kind of reaction I’d get and would it be the same as what was left online? X

  • I doubt it’s harassment seeing as the information was publicly available. I don’t know what the “right” thing to do is but in any situation, people need to know that social media IS a part of real life and REAL people have REAL feelings.
    I hope the morning tea was wonderful and your girls enjoyed it.

    • The kids loved it and my friends daughter had three of those cupcakes because nothing else was gluten free! X

  • Good on you Bec, very brave but also she needed to be held accountable too. Hopefully a lesson has been learned, can only hope anyway! x

    • Thanks Vicki! I do hope the lesson was learned, but more so for me that negative commenters are all about themselves and has little to do with me. X

  • You made it real, and maintained your dignity in the process. Hopefully a small piece of your message seeps through and makes a difference.

    • Thanks Michelle. I hope this post shows there can be consequences to being negative online. You will be found! Xx

  • Gayel @ Modern Mummy Mayhem

    Brave Lady! What you have done here has tackled online negativity. We all need to do this more. You are now my hero my friend.

  • Of course I went and looked at the Instagram comment because I missed it originally. You are far more ballsy than me, I would never be confident enough to call someone. I usually reply to haters in a very succinct and boarder line sarcastic way that puts them in their place.

    • Yes, I believe we do need to answer haters to an extent. I don’t like to respond negatively because it brings me down to their standard and that wasn’t the intention of my phone call.

  • I think good on you. If this person is defensive when you call, it sounds like it’s something she wouldn’t have said to your face. Which, to me, means there’s no place for it ANYWHERE. Not on Instagram, Facebook, the internet. Not anywhere.
    Thanks for sharing the story. And, although it still didn’t end well, good on the ‘hater’ for calling you back, too. (Although saying you were harassing when you called a number listed in an online profile attached to the comment made – a call which this person had to return, no less – is ridiculous.)

    • Yeah I never thought of it that way that she called me back so how could I harass her? X

  • Wow! I definitely wouldn’t have been brave enough to ring someone who left a negative comment on my Instagram. I probably would have just been inclined to delete it.

    • Can I be honest and say I had no idea how to delete at the time! ( I do now).

  • Wow good on you! I guess if you’re going to have your number out there like that and make awful comments it should be expected you may get a call. Shame she couldnt see where you were coming from and apologise or at least politely agree to disagree 🙂

    • Yeah that’s really all I wanted – for her to understand that there was no need for her comment. X

  • I just attack them in a passive aggressive manner on my blog. Seriously, if someone is mean to me I give it back to them in the most powerful, satisfying way I can. Good on you for sticking up for yourself.

    • Thanks Michelle. How could anyone be mean to you? Xx

  • Good on you Bec. There are some people in this world that are just plain mean. She doesn’t deserve your time or attention hun. You’re the winner here.

    • Thanks Jodi. I can’t stand mean. There’s too much going on in the world to bring others down.

  • High five lady! You are ballsy and I bet you shocked the jocks off this troll when they had to face you in the real. I just don’t understand people. Why is there the need to be such a nego nancy? Anyway, I cannot imagine this troll is a sugar free puritan. No one is! She turned out to look like the fool anyway.

    • I’m not sure why I attracted the negative comment but I made my opinion clear to her that it wasn’t acceptable! X

  • Wowzers!! I still struggle to get my head around negative attacks and comments on social media. I really belive that if you don’t like something then just remove it from your feed and don’t look at it any more. You are so right on the lessons you learnt and good for you girl for pursuing it – I’m not sure I would have had the courage to do that!! On a side note – all these ‘extreme’ diet/eating fabs at the moment are getting very tiresome! (and that really really isn’t meant as an attack on anybody) xx

    • Yes!! I agree with all these new diets! There are so many! I think back to my Grandma and how she baked with sugar and butter, had meat and three veg for dinner and dessert every night! And she and my dad and his brothers weren’t fat. I prefer a healthy balance of everything… Although some days aren’t as balanced as others! X

  • You are a brave girl … I hate making phone calls at the best of times let alone calling a hater. I have blocked an acquaintance on FB when they constantly criticised my friends’ comments on my personal wall. I probably should have addressed it with her but I’m a chicken. It just made me so mad, the comments she left were a. on MY wall and b. she didn’t know the people who commented and that it could easily have sent them over the edge …

    Visiting today from #teamIBOT x

    • Good course of action Janet! And you probably aren’t in the slightest reading these comments because you’re in VENICE!! Have a wonderful time with your hubby! Can’t wait to see all the pics. Xx

  • Oh so ballsy but, I bet it made you feel good that you alerted her to how easy it is to track a mean commentor. I think people forget that the internet is not entirely anonymous. I’ll remember this when it happens to me (notice I said when). I can’t believe she continued to be rude. I had a similar run-in when I organised catch-ups for mums.

    There was one woman was very Steiner in her view and did not like the way I spoke to her son. I asked him in a polite tone to return my daughters toy before he disappered onto the play equipment. The mother went on a whole tirade of her “no discipline” and “no negativity” beliefs and had me in tear (I was heavily pregnant with my second). I soon stopped doing those “meet-ups”. I organised them for complete strangers to meet and for their kids to interact. I did it for free. She began hounding me on the facebook group and my email, so she got blocked.

    People forget that everyone has different beliefs, different views and different experiences. They often forget to respect others views and believe “it’s their way or the highway.” Zoe xx

    • That is terrible Zoe! I don’t get when mums are rude or are so blinded by their way of thinking. X

  • Wow, you might have missed your calling as a private detective! Good on you for calling her, you are way more ballsy than me! in the age of social media I think everyone needs to be mindful of their beliefs and agree to disagree.

    • Oh gosh, I could never be a detective. What I did to find the number… Any blogger could do it. And I agree that we have to agree to disagree. X

  • Jeez you’re a gutsy girl. Well done you! I don’t know if it’s the best course of action, but it’s definitely not the easiest. Why are so many things black and white with people at the moment? Whatever happened to each to his own? I don’t care if you give your kids a packet mix cupcake every day of the week and post it on Insta. It is your family’s choice and people can keep any negative thoughts to themselves. After all, none of us are perfect.

    • Exactly. Look I don’t know if it was the right thing to do because I don’t like to cause confrontation for no reason but at the same time so many people think they can leave negative comments with no consequence. My call was really a wake up call to that line of thought. X

  • Hugzilla

    Wow Bec you just became my personal hero! Sounds like her blood-sugar must have been little but low. That makes me crabby too. Maybe she needs one of your poison…errr…I mean packet-mix cupcakes.

    • Lol! Can I be honest and say the thought did cross my mind to tell her to eat some sugar but I didn’t want to be rude. X

  • Good on you, Bec!! There’s no excuse for such rudeness, especially on your own page. And for goodness sakes, they’re a little treat for kids. Some people have no idea about boundaries, do they?
    No doubt your girls will grow up proud of their mum xx

    • Thank you for your comment Lisa. I hope my girls see that I don’t stand for bullying online and in person.

  • So awesome of you to be willing to have a dialogue about this. And it’s wonderful that you took the time to make that phone call, twice. That is very “christian” if you ask me 🙂 HA whatever that means. We have just jumped on the sugar free bandwagon but I was stoked when I had the chance to bake a cake and cookies for our playgroup mums the other day. It was so fun to have an excuse for it. I thought everyone got into sugar at Easter BTW!

    • I’d like to jump on the sugar free wagon too but I am a sweet tooth and I have a baby and two other kids under 4 so taking away my chocolate at this extreme time would not be good! Lol. And yes I thought all rules were laid down at Easter but obviously not. 🙂

  • I actually think this is a positive thing that you did by calling. My fingers would have got the better of me. My rule is don’t write anything or say anything on social media that you would not say to someone face to face. If you put yourself out there on social media with your number then it is fair game. You could have written horrific comments in response but you didn’t.

    • I’m sorry Ashleigh for not responding to your comment back when I published this post. Not sure how I missed it. I’m glad I didn’t respond negatively. Now 8 months later I still smile about the comment attack.

  • I dunno, I really do believe in being authentic. Having honest conversations makes for a well-rounded world. But…call me old fashioned, I feel that if you can’t say something nice (or at the least add something interesting) to the conversation then the best policy is silence. Poor you. I probably would have called too. In the circumstances you were actually restrained. What point was she trying to make? X

    • I’m not sure… That we shouldn’t eat sugar and we shouldn’t eat packaged food. But being nasty about it doesn’t make the cause look good.

  • WOW Bec – I’m just reading this now as I was away when you posted last week. I’m really amazed that the person put the blame on you for harassing them when they sparked the whole thing and weren’t prepared to apologise in any way. I think you have been the bigger person and I’d like to think I’d be that way too, if seething underneath. I hope you can put it behind you now and think of all those who love and support you.

    • I haven’t thought much about it since I wrote about it and even after the event. I actually thought the comment was a joke. But it wasn’t. I’m confident in knowing what I believe and stand for and I think that’s what gave me the guts to ring her. X

  • Nicole McLachlan

    Hi Bec, I haven’t commented here before, but after reading your post I went and had a look at the pic – which was totally cute btw. OMG what an appalling woman! She does her “cause” far more damage than good by banging on like that. Admittedly I’m about as far away from the anti-sugar campaign as you could possibly get, but an attitude like hers just makes me want to go out and buy a Salted Caramel Magnum. Would I have called her? No, but only because I’m a wuss. I would totally high-five you if I could. xx

    • Thanks Nicole for leaving a comment. And I agree, she didn’t do much for the cause. I’m a sugar lover too but in moderation. We can all adjust our diets if we want to but we shouldn’t push our own food beliefs on others.

  • Rina CuteCoconut Blog

    Knowing that you had made the call has given me more respect to you, I don’t think I will ever do that..because it’s likely a waste of time and money too. I better use my phone credit balance for something else 😀

    • Lol! I get unlimited calls per month so the cost didn’t bother me but the principle did. 🙂

  • Well done you. Good on you for calling someone out. I have felt like doing this on a few occasions, but have left it. You are very strong

    • Aww Carly, I think you’re amazingly strong. After the reddit article, your response amazed me. While you may not call your haters, you do better by being an inspiration to us all. x

  • Jenni from styling curvy

    You are soooo right! Leaving comments that are mean spirited are just mean…and dumb. The first thing I do is click to a profile and let me say your profile had better bring its Agame if you’re going to throw stones!

    Calling a troll is scary but awesome!! Good on you, I bet they think twice before starting a comment battle again. X

    • Love it Jenni. Especially about the Agame profile. I can so picture you saying this too. Love your strong heart. xx

  • Alix

    You rock! That’s all.