There is a little bit of bad in all of us

There is a little bit of bad in all of us. In some people there is a lot. You don’t need to do too much research to find someone behaving badly. Just read the comments under a Mama Mia blog post. Or turn on the news to hear of unspeakable murders, wars that may never peacefully reconcile and celebrities hunting endangered animals for fun.

But there is no evil in me you say. I say the same too, until…

I yell at my daughter when she ignores my third call to get her butt to me so I can do her hair for kindy. I blame sleep deprivation for my impatience.

Or the toddler who decides it’s fun to spit out their juice all over the house creating a wet, sticky mess on a freshly washed floor. I blame the sister for encouraging it.

And if it’s not my kids bringing into light my badness, it’s social media. I have participated in the comparison game. Sad when a blogger has more likes than me, but triumphant when another blogger does not. Thankfully I stopped that earlier on when I started my blog and realized that blogging is not a popularity contest. But I’m sure I’m not the only one that has been sucked into that pride feeding game. Can anyone relate?

Our badness comes to light through our anger, jealousy and weakness.

There is a little bit of bad in all of us.

The difference between my bad and that of someone else is this: Mine is done in the secrecy of my head or in my home. Other’s badness goes viral online because they have been caught doing wrong and we shake our heads or write blogposts about how disgusted we are in what we have seen.

Ever made a mistake? Like a really bad mistake and been humiliated by it? It’s awful and the judgment by others is a heavy burden to brunt.

I make mistakes all the time. Becoming a parent has brought out the best and worst in me. But I want to be different and by grace I have been called to be different. A few moments after I’ve lost the plot with my kids, I grab them and hug them and apologise for going crazy. I pray to do better. How many parents do this after losing the plot with their kids?

The best way to defeat badness is not to participate in it. But if we all have a bit of badness in us, this may not be as successful as we intend.

So what else can we do?

Practice compassion and grace. If you need a lesson on this, read a Bible and see how Jesus reacted to the badness in His time. He extended grace to the dodgy tax collector, an adulteress who should have been stoned to death and lepers who were ostracized from society because they supposedly earned their wounds.

Jesus may not be physically here on earth, but by God’s grace we can extend his compassion by seeing the best in people despite their shortcomings. By understanding when someone falls from grace.

I get disappointed by celebrities, blogs and even friends and family who let out a bad side I didn’t see coming. But I also disappoint myself the moment I let my bad streak reign. We need less hate. Less judgment. Some of us should know better, but some of us haven’t been blessed with a good upbringing and no one can understand the pressures of one’s environment. It can do strange things to the heart and mind.

While badness manifests itself into a downward spiral of hate, love always protects and multiplies into understanding and compassion.

We need more love and less hate.

So the next time you are disappointed with someone, extend grace. You can be disappointed, but refuse to do what 90% of the world would do. Extend grace.

Whoever has not done wrong can cast the first stone.

Have you noticed badness in yourself? Others? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

  • writeofthemiddle

    Ahhh Bec – how I’d love to meet and chat to you. You’re a clever thing!! Yes I see badness in myself all the time. When the kids were little there were times – just like you – when I lost the plot. I was exhausted a lot back then. I did not have good sleepers and my husband was away a lot travelling with work. I was basically a single mother in those days and a very tired one at that. These days it is my old lady hormones ‘the onset of the pause’ that I blame my outbursts on (and I’m not sleeping well – again!). We all have moments we are not proud of but I don’t think we are evil (well some people are). With blogging – I’m guilty of comparing myself to others and jealousy of the success of others – those that get more comments on their posts or more interaction on their FB page and that are generally just more popular in the blogging world. It’s rarely spoken of but I do notice cliques. It’s only natural though that those of similar age or similar blog niche stick together. I just have to be myself, believe in what I do and hope that my blog will appeal to some people. As for the bad in me – I work on being a nicer person all the time! 🙂 xo

    • I can’t wait to meet you at Problogger on Tuesday Min. It’s actually lovely reading from someone who has been there and done that and knows what I’m feeling and going through. I guess, I wasn’t trying to be hard on myself in the post or be hard on others, but just to gently remind ourselves that it’s not the end of the world if someone makes a mistake. As for blogging cliques, forget about them and dance to your own beat which is exactly what you have been doing. I love being friends with everyone in the blogosphere and I would hate to be part of a clique. x

      • writeofthemiddle

        OMG – I didn’t realise I would be meeting you on Tuesday!! How exciting!! Re the cliques – not my thing either – just like I was at school – I’m a floater – love to be friends with everyone! 🙂 x

  • The one where you yell at the kids and then hug them because you’re sorry that YOU behaved worse than they did in the first place!! I do that one a lot but I’m trying every day to do better. We have a policy in our house that everyone has the right to be forgiven for doing something wrong if they make a sincere apology. So when I do lose it and it’s more about me than them I apologise – and I think they appreciate that I can recognise when I’m in the wrong rather than being a hypocrite and holding myself up as some model of perfection when I’m clearly not!!

    • I love your policy Rachel. I think as a mum if we lead by example, our kids have someone to follow. I love your honesty and you hit the nail on the head that often when we lose it it’s about us rather than them. x

  • We all have a side to ourselves that is “bad” or a side that does not shine our better qualities. Sleep deprivation, work commitments, financial strain….the list of influences we allow to take over who we are or who we can be is endless. Kindness matters, love matters, forgiveness matters, especially when we forgive ourselves xx

    • Such wisdom Josefa. I agree with all that you have said. xx

  • Yes badness shows itself in this house too, I’ll be the first one to put my hand up, I do yell but not for no reason, whether its a head of hair (like you say Bec) that’s finding it hard to locate us or a child doing something you just told them not to do, poor time management is the biggest feeder of my badness.
    I think there is lots of goodness in most of us and as you say Bec, different upbringings unfortunately influence the direction a lot of us head in. I like to think goodness shows more in this neck of the woods.
    Beautiful post as always.
    This weeks focus will be goodness! (fingers crossed those hormones of mine behave too!) xx

    • Gosh, I only yell when the kids do something crazy. I rarely yell any other time. Life with three kids can be crazy!! And I agree that there is goodness in us all.x

  • I think that all parents do the yelling, losing it and then hugging and apologising thing. I am practising patience with my little boy, as it makes it so much worse if I lose it with him, and he has enough trouble communicating without me making it worse.
    Dani @ sand has no home

    • Patience is a virtue and our kids definitely teach us that. And after reading your blog and understanding your life, I bet you battle hard when you yell knowing it will make the situation worse. x

  • Yes, I’m guilty of shouting and then begging for their forgiveness. It is hard when we’re tired and life is so full on. I hate it when I ‘behave badly’. I am so hard on myself. I think a lot of the time it’s only natural and I’m acting no different to how others would in the same situation xxx

    • I’m hard on myself too and I relate to not liking myself when I step into yelling territory. It’s reassuring that other mums relate but I wish that it wasn’t normal and that it wasn’t human nature to resort to that side. Love your heart gorgeous girl. xx

  • I really love that you stand up and talk about lessons from the Bible in Australia in 2015. I know people tend to shy away from religion in the public domain but I think part of the problem is that we don’t have a real set of values to refer to. Grace and compassion are an excellent start whether someone is religious or not. There should definitely be more of it around.

    • Thanks Bec for your thoughtful comment. For me, I have found the Bible to be a good moral compass, but for others it has no value. A lot of our laws are based on Biblical principles and many of us don’t realize it. I don’t mind sharing what I have come to know and helping others understand the revelation I’ve found from the Bible. It’s probably the closest they will ever read a Bible! 🙂

  • This is lovely, to remmeber to have some grace. Thank you for the reminder.

  • Grace is the oil that smooths the gears and cogs of all relationships 🙂

    • Wise words from a mum who has been there and done that. Love this quote Janet. x