In The Waiting

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in the waiting shirts

A couple of weeks ago I was going through the depths of my wardrobe to give it a really good clear out. I’m still hanging onto items that I wore pre-baby and hope (fingers crossed) I will get back into again.

While I was going through my wardrobe, I found 20 plumbing work shirts that had been pushed to the back. The sizes ranged from S to XXL to accommodate pregnancy and all the seasons between when I was a plumber. Some had silicone or glue attached and yet others were still in their plastic, never worn. I have them sitting in my office and I’m not sure what to do with them.

plumbing shirts

The shirts are embroidered, so I can’t donate them. And I can’t quite get myself to chuck the shirts away either.

They’re just another reminder of the life before the change. And I don’t know why I keep being drawn to life in the past.

in the waiting plumbing shirts

In the last couple of weeks – possibly months, I’ve been really thinking about what I want. In amidst the thoughts, I’ve been wondering whether the tradie lifestyle is a good fit for me as a mum. When I had Esther and Maggie, I definitely thought it was, but with the addition of Phoebe, I knew it wasn’t.

I don’t think there is any industry that is best suited for motherhood. Sometimes you’re forced to carve out your career to suit the flexibility needed so you can have the best of both worlds – working and being present with your family. Most times you have to make the best of what you’ve been given from your employer.

I don’t feel like I’m managing as well as I should with the life I’ve created. Sometimes I feel like I’m just hanging on, but still willing to climb up to the next milestone or season.

I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. Maxabella Loves shared this post, which resonated with me 100% and I loved this post from Fat Mum Slim about doing it all.

The thing is I want to live a full life. I want to be busy – not busy in a rushed, don’t have time to chat way, but busy because I’m tending to the things I’ve been blessed with.  I don’t want to be bored. I want to enjoy my busy-ness.

Jacob is going to be having 2 weeks off work in the next week or so and I can’t wait to put a plan together and really nut out what I want to do.

I turn 32 in a couple of weeks – another reminder that I’m not getting any younger and if I really want to give something a go, now is the time to really nut out exactly what it is I want.

In the meantime I’m also going to practice my patience to ensure that what is being stirred in my heart is exactly where God wants me to be. I just love these verses from Isaiah 40:27-31 from The Message.

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
Or, whine, Israel, saying
“God has lost track of me.
He doesn’t care what happens to me.”
Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening?
God doesn’t come and go. God lasts.
He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
Gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
Young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don’t get tired,
They walk and don’t lag behind.

I know in the waiting, I’m building my strength even if I don’t feel like I’m going very far.

Ever found something that took you back to your old life? Ever felt stirred to do something more, but have been hesitant about the timing?

I’m linking with Essentially Jess for IBOT.