On a Thursday morning I head to church to get fed. Not food fed – although there is food and coffee and lunch offered. I go to church to grow in my faith and to learn and to hang out with other mums. My girls love going to the kids church program. They love the leaders and the activities and seeing grandma because she always brings treats.
Yesterday I drove away inspired and wanting to change a few areas of my life. One area is being less focused on the negative rather than the positive. Lately I have been a little bitter about the sacrifice of parenting. At the moment, parenting has been exhausting. On top of that I’ve had an array of blogging and personal issues that have hit me from all sides and last week I got to a point where I couldn’t stop crying because I was at a loss on what to do.
But then I was reminded that life rarely has a perfect path that brings us to where we need to be. There are always storms. Living without fear when everything around you goes to crap is easier said than done. I know it’s important to focus on where I’m headed. It’s just not easy. It hasn’t been for a while. I keep reminding myself that I will get there because I have faith that I will. But there are no guarantees of smooth sailing.
The negative talk has been rife in my life at the moment and this week I decided enough was enough and I needed to be a little kinder to myself.
The truth is I want it all. I want all that life has to offer me, but I can’t handle it all – especially right now with my young family. Unfortunately focusing on what I can’t do or can’t have has led me down a path where I feel like my efforts are constantly letting me down. I think it’s a crazy cycle us entrepreneurial mums can get into. Maybe any mum really depending on what takes your focus after your kids?
This self-critical nature has become a habit and it needs to be reversed but I’m not sure how. Do I do less? Lower the standards?
Maybe I need to start cheering myself on with the small wins rather than berate myself on how far I have to go.
This quote resonated with me yesterday.
My thoughts have been on the wrong team. Being on my own side is not arrogant. It’s about nurturing myself when I’ve missed the mark or making peace with my efforts. It’s accepting what is, is. It’s admitting that life doesn’t always go to plan and when it does, there will be a hitch along the way. There is no doubt about it.
It’s remembering my wins and repeatedly reminding myself how far I’ve already come. It’s reminiscing the good days and focusing less on the bad.
Feeding myself with positivity and going to church on a Thursday has helped me. I’ve been stretched in all directions in the last couple of months, but my hope is that while I’m being drawn back and stretched backwards like a bow, when released, I will propel further than I thought possible.
How have you been feeling lately? Do you suffer from being too self-critical? Do you wish you could be better at anything?
I’m linking up with With Some Grace for FYBF.