If you ever see a turd in a stormwater drain you can know that firstly, someone has hooked a sewer pipe into the wrong drain (ie, rainwater goes into stormwater, turd water into sewer) and it can be difficult to retrieve said turd or turds from the stormwater. The only way it can be stopped is by diverting the waste pipe back to the sewer and hope for the long lost turds to disintegrate and not cause too many issues for the ecosystem where eventually the water is treated and sprayed onto farmland.
Sometimes in life I feel a bit like that turd in a stormwater drain. I’m floating away wondering how the heck I got into the position I did and wish I could go back and re-divert to a different direction. But the frustration or beauty about life is that we can’t go back. Thankfully we don’t have to float through life and can reset our course in the present rather than hope for the best and travel with the current.
The last two weeks have not been great for me. It’s been school holidays and I really wanted to do some fun things with Esther at home, but I didn’t do as much as planned because of limitations I put on myself and had allowed others to put on me. It hasn’t been great.
I’ve realized I’ve been living with lack mindsets and yet I’ve always been a very positive person. I self-sabotage anything great that happens to me. I’ve had a few knockbacks that I’ve charged forward through over the last few years, because there was literally no other way to face the setbacks, and I’ve found myself swimming in a sea of doubt, floating in a direction I didn’t expect to go.
And rather than hold my issues inside and try and ‘work them out myself’, I’ve finally just let them out to friends and family to say ‘hey I’m struggling in this area and that’ and the response to my admission has been amazing.
Family and friends have listened and have wanted to help or just be there to help ride out the storm. Not one person has looked down at me and told me ‘you should have it altogether. You’re a 31 year old woman. You should know better!’
Instead the responses have been ‘I’ve been there too and this is what helped me’, or ‘we’re going through this too, what a relief it is to know you’re struggling too’ to simply ‘life can be a bitch, God didn’t say we wouldn’t have problems in this world, but keep being positive, the enemy has been defeated but he hasn’t been destroyed. You will get through this.’
My faith has been slightly waring lately. I’ve been learning a lot spiritually but applying what I’ve learned has been difficult when I’ve got myself too emotionally wound up in my situation.
Last Thursday I experienced the mother of all migraines. It was like my head was on fire and there was nothing I could do to get rid of the fire. The migraine was set off from stress and spending more time on projects that drained me and didn’t get me where I needed to be. I couldn’t parent, I couldn’t function at all and I felt defeated.
What I did care about was my girls and despite them racing around the house like it was the amazing race, screaming and carrying on while I was rolling on the couch in a foetal position; I realized this situation was not good. I also knew I didn’t want the stress to win me. Thank goodness my husband came home straight away and got the girls in order so I could rest and ride out the pain. I married a brilliant man.
Sometimes you have to hit bottom before you can work your way up, and sometimes you have a few slippery slides back down again before you really start making your way up.
Last night I hosted an essential oil class to learn more about essential oils as I believe they are going to give me the breakthrough I need mentally and spiritually. (if you want to know more, send me a message).
And I know God has been close to me and bringing the right people in my life at the right time to help me in my moment of need.
So I encourage you, whatever you are facing that is wearing you down, please talk to someone about it. Get it off your chest. Cry about it and get the emotion out because if you don’t it can sadly direct you to a place you don’t want to go.
If I could, I would share all the issues I have faced and have been facing over the last year, but some things are better left unsaid and I’m a believer that God will deal with those setbacks on my behalf.
If you’re feeling like a turd in stormwater drain, don’t think you can’t change your direction. You can, but it may need the help of someone stronger to help you realign to the direction you want to go. Pray and ask God to bring the right people into your life to help you get to where you want to be.
I also hope that I haven’t let you down in reading this admission. I share all things about my life and faith and it can seem like I’m a person that ‘has it altogether’. I don’t. But I will share what has helped me so that it can help you too.
What is in your stormwater at the moment? What are you struggling with and what has helped you get back on the path you are meant to be on?
I can’t not share this verse from The Message Bible. “I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world, you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.” And thank God for that.