I was happy to see the back of last week.
I started last week feeling exhausted after a massive weekend of attending events and reading in disbelief at a war of words between bloggers. And then the girls got sick and Esther stayed home most of the week with tonsillitis. Jacob also got the flu or some virus that had him aching and exhausted. The poor guy still had to go to work even though he was feeling terribly and should have stayed in bed. This time of year can be busy, and for Jacob’s work, it’s been busy while he’s covered for people taking time off from work.
I woke up on Thursday with a massive migraine and ache and pains in my body. Jacob had to stay at home to look after the girls because I was unable to.
Over the weekend, my virus turned into an ugly cold and I was super frustrated with not being able to get any work done. I knew that this coming week was going to be a big week and I needed to be healthy and have the deadlines met for certain projects.
And then amongst it all, we were grieving for our grandma. And we were trying to come to terms with the Dreamworld tragedy and the horrific bus driver attack which was a bit too close to home.
I’m also ever mindful of the Middle East and praying for Mosul. We don’t even get to hear half of what is happening over there.
Last week was an awful week for many families and the ripples will be felt for weeks and years to come.
On Friday night, I couldn’t get to sleep and I ended up wrestling negative thoughts. It seemed every worry I’ve carried this year decided to hit me all at once. And I felt quite anxious about the future – especially the future I was part of creating for my girls. Some of the questions that went through my mind were would I ever see breakthrough in certain areas of my life? Had I achieved enough in the 32 years God has graciously blessed me with? What was the point of all of this? Why are people so drawn towards doing evil? Why do kids have to get sick and share their germs? The thoughts were varied, from one life’s extreme to the other.
Everything seemed hopeless in life.
I eventually drifted off to sleep and woke up on Saturday, still not feeling the best. I did the work that was most crucial to be met for this week and went back to bed.
On Saturday afternoon, I got my hair done – the only time I could get it done so it would be looking good for today at Melbourne Cup. And I sweated underneath the capes. My hairdresser who knows me quite well told me she didn’t know how I did what I did with three girls and my response was ‘well look at me. I’m not really doing well at it after all!’
We talked about the week’s events and she said a phrase that had me stop and think.
‘Here we are stuck in this mess of a world and we’ve brought children into it.’ There may have been an f word omitted from there.
But I felt strangely calm about it and said that’s why I take my girls to church.
I want them to understand that while the world goes crazy, that was never God’s intention for it. And while we may feel like we’ve been left here to defend for ourselves and deal with the broken pieces, God is still there and in fact we have His Spirit living in us, if we accept. The ‘easier-living’ part of his plan hasn’t quite unfolded yet.
There is no doubt that life is hard. This year has been my hardest year yet with many worries, fears and insecurities coming to the surface. But it’s also been a good year for personal growth, and learning to trust God.
When the world goes cray cray, as the saying goes, we have to tell our soul that God is in control of the overall outcome. But we can not assume that bad things won’t happen to good people, bad people – all people. All we can do is grieve for what has been dealt, lost or broken and learn how to build ourselves up again from each tragedy that hits us.
I had my grandma’s memorial service yesterday and it was a fitting tribute to a lady who was most loved, but who also loved and cherished other people.
I got to speak to the daughter of one of my grandma’s good friends, who had also suffered dementia and passed away three years prior. I have wonderful memories of this particular lady when I was in Sunday School as a young girl.
This lovely daughter, who had seen the passing of both her dad and mother in a short amount of time told me how burdensome it was in the final years of her parents lives, but she came to realise, like I had with grandma, that their presence was no longer for themselves to meet life’s goals, but to change us and develop good character in us.
And that’s how I want to look at each tragedy, each person that annoys me, each unexpected circumstance that takes me by surprise. I don’t want my immediate reaction to be annoyance and fear that leads me to think ‘woe is me and everyone in this world’. But I do want to grow. I do want to fight back and say ‘I’ll accept this crappy circumstance, but it ain’t going to keep me down’. And I will continue to fight the good fight that all of us have been called to do – whether we believe it or not.
How are you feeling this week? How is life for you at the moment? Got anything lovely to share with me from last week?
I’m linking up with Kylie Purtell for IBOT.