You’re Not Alone With Your Feelings

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I haven’t been able to share any personal posts for a while because it’s been hard to put into words how I’ve felt during this year.

My experience will be different to yours and yours will be different to others.  And while we’re ‘in this together’, we’re going to deal with it differently from each other and the repercussions aren’t going to be the same for everyone.

For some businesses, the pandemic has benefited their profits exponentially.

For others, it’s going to be a difficult couple of years to stay afloat or it could be the end. The mental and financial impacts are hard to comprehend.

We’ve discovered which jobs will survive a pandemic, and which ones won’t.

Health wise, hygiene is the best it’s ever been, but diet wise, we could make some improvements.

Conspiracy theories are out in full force and so is hypocrisy. Nothing is really new with human nature. If anything, a crisis can really amplify the issues we already know and are yet to stamp out.

But with everything that is going on, it has made me seek Jesus more.

If you’re thinking oh how spiritual of you, don’t worry, I’ve also been comfort eating, binge watching shows on Netflix and salivating over Jules Sebastian’s martinis.

I sometimes finish my work shift late at night with a Baileys hot chocolate in hand.

Baileys Hot Chocolate

I’ve been emotionally exhausted from the on-flow effect the pandemic has had on those around me.

One aspect is the immediate impact to customers through my work. I, nor my colleagues, had time to process it. We just had to get on with the show and immediately after the devastating bushfires.

I have no doubt it’s been similar with most businesses and even for yourself if you’re blessed to have been able to keep your job.

So when something hasn’t gone right – whether its technology issues or another change, I haven’t coped with it very well. It’s felt like a domino effect of crap things happening one after the other.

This season has brought out all the feelings in me.

I was all smiles when home schooling started and then it went downhill when I realised what was expected. The juggling work and teaching… it was mentally draining and stressful.

home schooling in lockdown

A work roster change, which I wasn’t convinced on, worked out in my favour though because night shifts allowed for days to be free helping my kids with their learning. I saw the positive outcome to what I had seen as negative.

But they were big days and I don’t want to repeat them. I can only take comfort that if it does happen again, I’ve got the experience to cope.

Finding clarity with all the changes

However you have been impacted this year, I think we can collectively say we’re weary, we’re tired and our purpose can often be muddled when we’re not feeling our best.

The impact of changed schedules and added responsibilities have been the curve balls we didn’t expect 2020 to bring.

The ripples of this year will be felt for years, despite how eager we are to get back to ‘normal’ life.

One thing I have done consistently during this season though is start my day with prayer and bible reading. I also read a devotional each day by Rolland and Heidi Baker.

reckless devotion devotional reading during lockdown

When I first bought this book, I couldn’t stand it. It wasn’t the right time for me to comprehend it then.

But now, in this season, each devotion has been comfort to my soul and an encouragement to ‘see the bigger picture’ despite what’s been happening around me.

And so while I have been feeling the blahs and my heart has been troubled, I keep on keeping on with routines, and making time for rest.

I pray for wisdom and holy spirit empowerment because my humanness can’t thrive without it.

I know this is only a season.

How long for, I don’t know.  The only way to combat feeling blah about it all is to control what I can.

I wrote this list for all of us because this is what we can control:

  • Control reactions
  • Practice patience
  • Default to kindness
  • Be generous
  • Lift your gaze to the bigger picture
  • Eat a rainbow
  • Elevate people up
  • Consider a different point of view
  • Stop using the name Karen in memes
  • Go for a walk
  • Get to know your neighbours if you’re missing community
  • Enjoy the company of those in your immediate household
  • Write a grateful list
  • Stop blaming others
  • Pray
  • Meditate on God’s word
  • Stop following media outlets which promote fear

I’m sure the list can go on. Control what you can and let go of what you can’t.

You’re not alone with your feelings. Peace to you during this season.