Life is never without problems is it? When you think you’ve got a handle on a situation, something comes up unexpectedly and the problem rears its head yet again and you feel like you’re back at square one of feeling all the feelings and wishing you had enough money and wisdom to make the problem go away.
In the last couple of weeks I have been riding the wave of wondering what the purpose is in everything I do. I have an innate ability to encourage others and help them see the value in what they do, but find it hard doing the same to myself. I ask God if the direction I’ve chosen is still the right way. Is my labour in vain? I’ve been questioning God on a lot of things lately. Whether my views about current news events are right or should I be looking at them from a different way?
In so many ways I want to be better in everything I do. Better thoughts, better wife, better mother, better blogger, better everything but most days I feel like I’m reaching 80% and I have battled bitter thoughts about family life which have been selfish and ridiculous because I wanted to be a mum. I wanted this and I still do. But sometimes it can be hard to remember in the day to day grind of living.
And then in the last week I’ve heard of unexpected tragedies and illnesses which have had traumatic effects and suddenly perspective rains down like hail in a thunderstorm. The labours aren’t in vain. My rivals are near and the second guessing myself is a tactic to change my focus off what matters.
The long weekend has been lovely to spend time with Jacob and the girls and enjoy doing simple things like playing in the back yard.
On Saturday night I had a mums night out where a group of mums (some I knew, others I met for the first time) had dinner together and went to see a movie. I can’t remember the last time I went to the movies. I bought a Medium Popcorn and large bag of Maltesers to share… with myself. I was the biggest guts. The movie was fantastic. We saw Woman in Gold and it gave me perspective again of the privileged life that I live and the very known and disappointing part of human behavior – greed and how hard it is to right a wrong – returning what was stolen to the rightful owner. This essentially is the problem I have been battling. There is no such sisterhood in the trades. There will always be a known rival who wants to ride on your wave of success.
I look at my husband and my girls and I know they are worth fighting for. I do what I do to provide for them and I reveal what I do online to show life can be lived simply, not without complications, but still simply if I choose to focus on the right things.
How has your long weekend been? Do you have problems that you need wisdom in dealing with?