Peace like a river, Doubt like a rapid

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I have learned a lot about myself in the last 6 months since dealing with all the changes in my life. I have had peace like a river and doubt like a rapid. Peace that everything happens for a reason and then doubt about my dreams and abilities. I’ve been praying since the day I lost my job that I would get divine signs on my next move. And then I would worry that I would miss the signs.

The day I wrote the post about How to stop worrying, I woke up at 2am in the morning, and searched for a job on my Iphone. Jacob asked me what I was doing and I told him that I was looking for a job and he reminded me quietly that I was pregnant and insane.

I remember placing the phone back on my bedside table thinking how ironic it was that I had just written a post that day about how not to worry and here I was doing NONE of the tips I had offered in that post.

I’ve cried a lot. I’ve been angry and sad. Most of all I have felt like an utter failure even though the decision to close our family business was not because of my ability, but because of life circumstances.

I realized the devil was having a grand old time sowing seeds of doubt in my heart and in my mind and I was blinded to see the ministry that was staring right in front of me.

It wasn’t until I wrote Pregnancy doesn’t make you invincible and received wise counsel from family and the blogging community that I realized my focus had become a bit skewif.

My family need me more than ever right now.  I’m pregnant. I AM PREGNANT! I have a darling husband who works hard to provide for our little family and I have two precious daughters that are so beautiful inside and out, who have made my world a better place. I would be lost without this little family of mine.

I love being a mum. I love watching the interaction between Esther and Magdalene. My eyes well with tears when I see Esther break a biscuit in half so she can share it with her sister. I smile as they play in the bath and compete with each other on who can create the biggest splash. And daily I am lifting my heart to God with gratefulness that he has bestowed on me the ability to have children and be a mother. But this blessing also has incredible responsibility.

How blessed am I to have these cherubs as my daughters?
How blessed am I to have these cherubs as my daughters?

Since my focus has shifted less on myself, interesting things have happened. I have been offered more sponsored post opportunities to work with brands on my blog. I haven’t chased for these opportunities, they’ve just presented themselves to my inbox. The ability to earn a small income from my blog has started to become a reality.

The next interesting thing that occurred was my nomination in the Kidspot Voices of 2014 for the Top 100 Bloggers. In my naivety, I thought every blog that linked up with Essentially Jess on Tuesdays would be in the top 100 because I’ve always seen myself as a little blogger. And it was a huge surprise to me that that wasn’t the case and that reaching the Top 30 for the Personal and Parenting category was a big deal. Hello divine sign!

At this present time I am peaceful about where my life is headed. There will always be rapids, but I feel like I’m floating down the river rather than fighting against the current.

I know that there are many of you who are still searching and still trying to look for signs that you are travelling in the right direction, but trust me when I tell you that you won’t miss the signs and that it’s important to focus on the eternal rather than the temporal.

God cares for the little worries in your life. He cares for you the same way He cares for me. Doubt kills more dreams that failure ever will and the dream that God has for your life is so much bigger than what you can see yourself fulfil. Don’t be scared to dream big or allow doubt to compress your hearts desires.

Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man’s foot long enough to enable him to put the other somewhat higher. Thomas Henry Huxley.

How are you travelling at the moment? Are you fighting the current or peacefully floating down the river? Is there anything I can pray for if you are looking for a breakthrough in your life?