I am 24 weeks pregnant this week and for those of you who want to see a bump picture, here is one that I took last week while on holidays at Coolangatta.
Yesterday I had a routine check-up with my Obstetrician.
We bought a new car a month ago and I’m not confident enough to park it on a hill where I go for my appointments, so I ended up meeting my parents so my mum could look after the girls and my dad could drop me to the hospital.
Before I left home to meet my parents, I checked out my social media pages and got quite down about an aspect of my blog that I’m struggling with but can’t quite fix because of various reasons which I can’t share online yet. (Don’t you hate when people write this kind of stuff and it leaves you hanging, I know I do!)
It got me so down I cried in the truck to my dad while he drove me to my appointment. I couldn’t stop the tears and emotion as I told dad how I’d been feeling. Of course my dad was great and reminded me that I was in limbo because I was having a baby and my focus should be on my family and the various issues with my blog and work would be made clearer once I’ve settled with our new family routine.
Of course it was the perspective I needed to hear and be reminded of but sometimes I let my emotions get the better of me.
I heard an amazing sermon at church on Sunday about change and it all made complete sense with what I have been dealing with personally. I’m open to change, but I don’t like the process of changing and the question I have been plagued with since December last year is this: I’m open for what God wants me to do, but what the heck does He want me to do and do the passions in my heart align with the awesome plan he has for me?
Even if you aren’t the God fearing type, the same question can be asked in your own life. Are you doing what you’re meant to be doing? How do you know if you’re on the right path or when you’re flogging a dead horse and need to change direction?
My appointment with my Obstetrician went well (the bub is good, and I’m good). After Easter I will need to do a glucose test. My little cry in the truck made me feel less sad about my situation. Dad drove me back to where mum was looking after the girls and when I packed them in the car to drive home, I got lost in my thoughts, reflecting back to when I had to do my glucose test when I was pregnant with Esther.
I was working full time as a plumber when I was pregnant with Esther. I remember dad and I would do big days at work and I’m not sure how I did it.
When I was 28 weeks pregnant, dad and I were working massive 12 hour days. On one particular day I was booked to get my glucose test at QML to test for gestational diabetes which is a routine pregnancy test.
I remember after the test was done, I went to the toilets and noticed that I had a bloody discharge and I remember shaking violently and becoming emotional because I knew that this type of discharge was not a good sign.
My dad picked me up outside the QML pathology and I burst into tears telling him he had to take me to see my Obstetrician because something was wrong. I hadn’t felt the baby move for 3-4 days which made me even more scared.
I had a wave of emotions wash over me while I was on the phone to the hospital. I was told to go straight to the labour ward and my obstetrician would meet me there. Being told to go to the labour ward did not help with my emotions. I remember dad holding my hand in the truck and reassuring me that everything would be ok.
When I got to the labour ward, a midwife did a swab test and it tested positive that it was from my waters. I was hooked up to a machine to hear the baby’s heart beat and it was slow and rhythmic. I was thankful that there was a heartbeat.
Once my obstetrician had finished doing a c-section on another patient, he came into see me and asked me what I had been doing. He did a scan to see how much of the waters were left to support the baby in my womb.
The scan was positive as I hadn’t lost my waters. Instead he explained I just had a small leak. I was given steroids to build the baby’s lung strength if the baby decided to come early and I was kept overnight for observation.
It was after this horrible scenario that my 12 hour plumbing days ceased. I really wanted my baby and I didn’t want to take any more chances that could bring on premature birth.
When I was 38 weeks, Esther was still in the breech position which meant I had to have a cesarean. I had a few thoughtful friends tell me to do all sorts of things to try and get Esther to move around, but because of what I had experienced at 28 weeks, I wasn’t going to take any chances and was happy to have a cesarean.
As I reflected on this moment in my life over 3 years ago, I had to remind myself that pregnancy doesn’t make you invincible. I thought I could handle anything whilst being pregnant, but the body has other ideas and they need to be respected.
So while I am questioning some parts of my life, the parts that really matter are the little people God has entrusted in my care and the little soul that is growing inside my belly.
Rather than let my emotions get the better of me I’m going to sway to the music of my limbo and hope that the answers I seek will come to me when I’m ready. I’m willing and waiting.
Have you ever wondered if you’re travelling on the right path? What did you do to seek clarification?