Stagnant

7
1969

I’ve been feeling stagnant this year. I had a lot of curve balls thrown at me towards the end of last year. I’ve accepted them and have run with them but I’ve also felt myself asking what now? which probably sounds silly since I’m having another baby in July, but I’ve always been one to know where I was headed in the future, and at the moment, I’m not sure.

I think anyone can feel stagnant in different seasons of life. There are days where I feel  I just ‘exist’ because I’m being a mum. I’m not getting anywhere fast by being a mum to little kids and having morning sickness (which decided to rear its ugly head again last week). They prevent me from doing the things I really want to do or should be doing. I thought the arrival of a new year would help motivate me to get my act together, but my mind and body have had other ideas.

I don’t enjoy being stagnant. I like to be doing something and I’ve read enough motivational books to know that doing something little everyday helps towards reaching my goals. But how does one get themselves out of a funk when the mind and body have no willpower to do anything?

Often it’s a mind over matter kind of strategy that I would use in this circumstance. I also know that I can be pretty headstrong and can jump into doing something before really praying and seeking wisdom as to whether the opportunity is really right for me and my family.

I can relate to blog posts about mums writing how they have lost themselves since having children and have had to put their dreams on hold or put them away altogether because of the demands of running a family.

But as I poured out my heart to God, I was given a new perspective.

My kids were always part of my dream. It was a dream for my husband and I to have a family. It’s a dream for many couples too. It’s a dream that can’t be controlled no matter how hard we try.

Often I forget that I’m living the dream by being a mum to the children I had dreamed of having back when I was working as a telemarketer, then a sales rep and then an apprentice plumber.

I have other dreams, but my children were one of my biggest dreams.

So while I feel stagnant because I’m not doing much at all work wise, I’m actually doing something everyday. Being a mum to little people and giving my attention to their needs so that they will have the courage, the faith and strength to pursue their dreams.

The world moves at a rapid pace. I’m sure there may be new opportunities I’m missing every day. I also know that I can’t get any day back with my kids. I’m given a new opportunity every day to mother them and love them.

The world can pass me by for now and even though I feel stagnant through wordly eyes, my eternal eyes can see the fruit of this season.

What dreams are you dreaming right now?