I apologise for being absent from my blog this week and from not connecting with you on Facebook and Twitter. I have been overwhelmed with what I learned at Problogger Conference last week and I just want to apply everything I learned right now to my blogs. But I’m a mum and I am trying to be an intentional parent and it is s-l-o-w-l-y eating at me inside because I’m a doer and if I can’t get done what I want to get done I turn into a crazy, erratic woman.
Last night the house looked like a tip. Or an op shop. I had toys EVERYWHERE and piles of washing (all washed but needed ironing) on the floor and it was chaos. And this is not me. I love my house to be neat and clean and yes I am one of those neat freaks that tidies up each room after each toy has been played with and then left abandoned for another toy.
Last night, when my husband came home from work he looked at me and I cried and told him I couldn’t do it all and of course he told me ‘I don’t expect you to’.
Why did my entrepreneurial spirit decide to make an appearance when I became a mum? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I have been having conversations with God in my head asking Him why He didn’t reveal these plans to me earlier so I wouldn’t be in this predicament of being torn to be a great mum and a good business woman.
And then I realized that it wasn’t God pressuring me to be better, it was me. All me. Putting ridiculous timeframes on projects that can wait or can be developed over time. Tidying the house like a maniac as if someone was going to ‘pin’ my neat family room on their pinterest board. But it is so hard for me to accept this because it’s going against my grain.
And yet I have to. I can tell you, the fruit from my patience is going to be ripe and juicy because I have been practicing it a hell of a lot lately.
Super Mum I am not. A mum with the best intentions for her family is what I am and chaos will need to be my friend for now because I am going to drive myself crazy trying to do it all.
My advice if you are in the same predicament as me? Watch Cheaper by the Dozen. Family life can be crazy at the best of times and watching this movie makes me feel better in knowing I’m not the only one who is going through this season. And then pray and ask God for peace and discernment in doing what is best first.